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A world of my own, my own life, my own tots, my own language...
First Cry: 3rd Sept 78'
MSN: pigu_farr82@hotmail.com
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Friday, September 29, 2006
 In grief that I live with the memories she'd left me...
I thank her existance in my life for the time she had given to not only me but to my love ones too. It's she who always believed in me that has made me at the least disciplned of who I could be. It's she who lifted my head up when I thought the whole world was above me. It's she who does not forget me in every birthday that I had(those gifts that she had given: from toys to sport shoes to watch, shirt, ties and wallet...), in every holidays that passed (the priviledged 'Ang Baos' that only i get to received), in every event that created history in my life (both my ups & my downs). It's she who shows, shares and teaches me what love is and what strength can be gathered from. It's she who always trust that no matter what i'm doing is for good and of good. It's she who always believed that I'm a good boy who will protect & provide for my family which continues me in trying hard clinging on to be as one. It's she who hopes the best will fall upon me in whatever I'm facing in life. It's she who ascertains that no matter what I do, even if I may be wrong, can be viewed otherwise.
I have to confess I'm never as good as she thinks I am. I am too slow in repayment of what she has given me. Promises to her which I had never fulfilled; could have been better handled, I'm sorry. Could have sang her more songs with my guitar, but have never mastered that well. Probably she thinks I should leave it for others; I'll remember the debts that I owe her and will repay them by living in happiness and creating it for my love ones. I'll remember that she always want me to be happy. A 'best friend' her husband called her; in tears I almost bursted. Ironically that I may not like him as a person but thru her indeed, I've learnt & respected him. I can recall the numerous praisings in conversations that she had given him of being in her life, I respected; for all that I'm ignorant of, he must have given her all the strength & love which she casted on me, I thank him too.
I'll miss her, I'll sure be, who has known her would not... In grief I may be but in grief i shall not be; her wish is my command, towards happiness I'll be.
"It's both an honour and pleasure to have known you mdm, will be at your service still..."
Posted at 05:59 pm by Farrker
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
How many time must it be repeated or how obvious must it be to make known to a gal that she's important and priority is given to her before she can understand what important and priority really means? It takes more than chances to propose a date; it needs courage and sacrifices as well. When a date has been proposed, the guy have already gone through a first brain storming session to see if an outing can be arrange; whether reason, the date, time & location is feasible. All other outings or usual programmes have to be push aside for this particular agreeable date or even time slot. When 'Yes' or 'Ok' came out from the gal's mouth; it's an indecent legal agreement that will imprint in a guy's head that the date is fixed and further follow up will take place. The action of planning proceed with much sensitivity to make sure there's minimal possibility of a boring or negative outing. Every minute passed will raise the excitement from within the guy's heart.
But with unforseen circumstances there's always a chance that a gal will change her mind last minute abt going for the agreed date. Some with a fair reason and further arrangement or amendment of the event for the date can be compromised; others with excuses that are just simply ridiculous, e.g. dating another guy who dated her last minute or feels that the guy has a too tied up schedule and assume that the date is cancelled without even having the slightest thought of reconfirming with him. It just doesn't occur to her that effort will be put in for her, whatever it will takes to turn up for the date which will just go down the dsrain in vain. Devastation falls on the guy but what can he say? Life is as such, nobody bother to think twice for the effort that were put in for anything that's happening around them these days. And being a gal, she has all the rights to reject an outing, even at the very last minute; even if it was upfront being agreed upon. The guy just have to accept bad luck, swing his mood from great excitment to total dissappointment or worse. It may be a test for his sincerity and patience but how many times can a man goes through unexpected last moment adverse facts; it may also cause a man to go berserk and do stupid things, but i guess nobody cares until things really happened. And for all that had happened, is all just b'cos of a simple positive word 'Yes' or 'Ok' from an uncertain heart.
Posted at 09:48 pm by Farrker
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Friday, November 04, 2005
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What define a good man if he can't live his life happy?
He who gather with friends for chilling out sessions with tonnes of thoughts in mind but chose to be so selfish that he would share none. When his body is physically presence but his soul is somewhere wondering. He felt guilty of being presence that many times he chose to be absent instead. For his presence at gatherings sometimes disgusted him for being such a fake person. He's lucky enough to have faithful and trusty friendship in abundance in his life and yet he take it for granted that he will never lost any. |
He who have no motivation in life and let life pass as it is; has no ego for betterment in his career path but hoping that income will increase on its own and life will get better eventually. When he knows that he is so lack of knowledge yet have no thoughts of or taken any actions into upgrading himself in anyway. A better name for him, a Dreamer; otherwise, should be called a failure.
He who claims he knows and cares nothing but Love can bring nothing but sorrow to his loved. Who had never failed to make any girl that has been with him cried like they never would. Put them in such devastating state that no girl should deserve to be in. Both a liar and a loser he is.
He who owe so much to the ones who have brought him up, who have watched him grow, stayed comfortably being doted without any actions of returns. An ungrateful man he is.
How would such a guy ever be a good man then?
Posted at 07:21 pm by Farrker
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Monday, October 31, 2005
It doesn't matter how long it lasted, it doesn't matter how much they've gone thru... When a relationship revolve over the same problem too many times... too many times that the scar from within kept bleeding, too many times that causes tears to run dry, too many times that breathing gets harder each time, too many times that the same nitemare recurred in the mind... that's a call for a breakup... A breakup; a decision to end a relationship, is very difficult to put into action, it takes more than just reasoning and courage to do it. But if it's not done with insistance and certainty it'll never work and may resulted in a worst situation. A clean breaking up means to stop whatever form of contact with another party, ignoring calls and meeting up; after the breakup call, no matter how painful or suffocating it is, not sticking to the above rule may just cause yourself to be in greater dilemma. It may cause one to be in the greatest intensity of devastation but it is perhaps the faster way to end a relationsihp. But breaking up doesn't really mean the end of a relationship though. When there's too many things that has occurred, too many memories, short session of break up may gives the two lovers some time to reminisce their past and there after bring them back together, with better understanding, with stronger ties... May those that had such experience of having a relationship revive after a breakup, be blessed with everlasting and undisturb love...
Posted at 04:51 pm by Farrker
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
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What's the point of being together if there's so many worries being together? Friendship are forever, why start or keep a relationship when it may not last? If secrets can be shared among friends, then why the need of a confidant? Life can be more relaxing if there's no commitment, why the need to be restrain? |
Life can be more colourful if there's always different groups of friends to go out with and different activities to move on with; why stick to only going out with one, repeating the usual routine? If there's a tendency of doubting; being betrayed in a relationship, why keeps it? If u still find yourself lonely when u're in a relationship, there's something seriously wrong wif it? If u're keeping too many thoughts to yourself & wants to live life in your own way, why be attached?
Being in love is itself a motivation of life, u start to tink twice in life, for her & for u. The reasons to live a better life emerge, u put aside your carefree mind & wants to shoulder the resposibility of creating security. Worries exist even if u're single, it doesn't really increase because of being in a relationship. In fact a relationship help to focus what life should be. It becomes part of life to write a 'verbal diary' everyday. Secrets, big or small; thoughts, important or just rubbish, it just flows out from the heart. Towards friend, yes u can do the same but how sure r u tt a friend would want to listen or in the first place, can be there for u all the time? Beside each time u have thoughts to share, which friend do u go to? Just by thinkin over which friend shd u look for, u'll realise tt how lonely u are in tis world; and this feelin of loneliness is devastating. And being a friend, have u ever think twice before sharing a secret, or rather most of e time, a problem? Have it ever come across your mind tt he may be equally troubled or even worst, and the last thing tt he would like to hear is another sad story from u? Though he'll still do if u need him to, but just felt tt tt's a pretty easily overlooked selfish act. U give & take and learn everyday in a relationship. U accept and try things tt u never use to do or even tot of tryin. And what's important, u've did it all for good; what other variety of activities would u want in life? Everyday is never the same if you live it right. Life progresses every second if u know tt u've a role to be in. One tot leads to a million. Keeping things up is never healthy, it'll jus drift two souls apart without knowing.
Posted at 11:00 pm by Farrker
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Saturday, October 01, 2005
Heard fr a gal e other day who finally believe in heartaching; who encounter something so devastating in life tt she couldn't believe tt she had for the first time cried herself to sleep without realising it until she's next awake. Immediately I tot of another scenario when a gal pinched me very hard earlier this year and asked if I felt e pain, my reply was, "What's more painful than heartache." I tried hard to recall tt time why and how great was the intensity of heartache tt I was experiencing then. As I tried to recall, I started tinkin of more questions for myself. When was the first time tt I've felt heartache? Why do I can't recall when was tt? Or was it tt there were too many heartaches in my life tt ea is more painful than the previous tt I couldn't recall when was the first truly heartache I've felt? I've also try to recall how many times tt i've told somebody sitting next to me when I'm drinking tt 'a sad man can never be drunk', which I've really never been to date. I've tried my best in drinkin, hoping tt I'll be so drunk tt I can stop tinkin for a moment in life. But I've never suceeded. My stomach will just get so filled tt what ever I gulp down next will just came rite out fr my stomach thru my mouth. Nothing gets better, in fact, once I thought I'm very high & tot I was finally drunk, my mind gets clearer of what I'm going thru in life instead; makes me hate faith more, made my heart so tightly cramped by an invisible vice and the airway for oxygen narrowed so much tt breathing seems to be a problem. It was an emberassing moment of my life though when tt happened, wouldn't put tt into details. People around me tot I was drunk but I couldn't care much of the hallucination I've created for my heart was so aching tt I couldn't care much of what others think then. How painful a heartache is, I wish all who's breathing never felt; if u're feeling a heartache now, I wish u bypass it soon, not wif another worse heartache like what I'm going thru but blessfully with another lifely life.
Posted at 01:22 am by Farrker
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Saturday, September 24, 2005
Farrker gets easily attracted to a gal tt's special in one way or another. It can be her looks, her figure, her characters, her laughter, her spontaneous reaction, her bubbliness, her humour, her seriousness, her intelligence, her attitude, her courage, her reservation, her principle, her frankness, etc...
The above attractions may changes over time, some gets better, some gets worst; some existed only much later, some never do. But attractions do not mean falling in love. Communication between a gal of attraction(s) over time will be a better indication if love is found. But communication itself is a very complex issue. Towards most, words that flows out from the mouth, may be rubbishs, may be facts but most of the time nothing personal. Just a gesture for entertainment as well as to find topics to break silence or to progress fr. But towards one tt u found 'chemistry' wif, the tone of toking to a diary surface fr e heart. There's auto generation of topics, about life, about past, about future, about joy, about sadness which very comfortably just go on and on tt makes time seems to be passing by extremely fast. There may be times when there's nothing to tok about but it'll never last for too long. Only a dead man stop thinking. When a tot comes into mind, the tendancy of sharing to this particular gal comes and have to be done, otherwise til it was voiced, there's a missing piece of puzzle in the heart. It's easy to be attracted but it is difficult to fall in love. If love is found in this manner, it's hard to be lost.
Posted at 12:43 pm by Farrker
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
Time cannot be reversed, so can't feelings...
When sadness or bad feeling overwhelm a person, e best matter to overcome it may be to get over by bypassing it. The more u tink abt a negative feelings, the more the intensity of it grows. The more u wanna stop thinkin of it, the more u tink abt it. A comment by 'Ole' (who is it, I wish to know too) saying, 'Don't hate, Make love. Living is a beautiful thing, live in peace and harmony.' I agrees, for tt's my belief in life too. Love overcome everything. Love itself is the ultimate solution to all matters in life. If u have someone to tok abt life, to love, to hug, to kiss, to make love wif; when love in life is sufficient, what's the issue of feeling sad or bad? If u have the chance to love, treasure it and not take it for granted. Wilfulness in one is nature's curse but line has to be drawn somewhere & self-discipline have to be put into action. If u have love, live a life happily focusing on it. What's the worst thing tt can happen? A quarrel? Which there after strenghthen the relationship; a quarrel, may be a love making gesture in disguise afterall. There'll be no space for feelings of negativity but love for one who has someone to love... But what if u've no one to love, force love out of someone? Anyway no relationship can sail smoothly without going thru obstacles, so might as well start one tt's full of obstacles. Find somebody available and start thinking things can be worked out if u get it started? Yah, maybe it will, but how much time & patience do one have? If it works out, good for u. Though feeling cannot be forced, in fact may sound a bit naive in the first place; but feeling does grow over time. As long as there's no negative feelin between 2 parties in the beginning, there's always the possibility of fallin in love after u're in a relationship... it's easy to voice out a suggestion, a solution to a problem, but putting words into actions is never easy. There'll always be conflict between the mentaility from the mind against the emotions in the heart. But at least for those who have love, the tunnel to e light ahead is clear, may all ends well for u...
Posted at 10:20 am by Farrker
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Thursday, September 15, 2005
Happy birthday! Enjoy your big day. ~Phyllis, 5th, 17:39:07 (my lunar bdae)
Happy belated birthday,dude! ~Zuraidah, 4th, 17:03:23
Hey ... Happy belated... Birthday... ~Faa, 4th, 11:25:29
wish u a happy n fruitful year ahead. ~David, 3rd, 23:33:15
Happy birthday farkker...may u stay happy forever... ~Lynn, 3rd, 22:32:05
Hapi birday! ~Joey, 3rd, 22:23:46
Happy birthday. May all your wishes come true ~Minshun, 3rd, 21:11:52 |
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Happy birthday 2 u. All e best 4 u in this comin year. ~Dana, 3rd, 19:30:08
Yo, Happy Birthday!! ~Edmund, 3rd, 17:17:49
Happy Birthday to you! ~Wendy, 3rd, 16:07:04
hey bro happy birthday to you! ~Terenz, 3rd, 13:41:24
Happy birthday to u ;-) ~Mingliang, 3rd, 07:48:13
Yo guy.. Happy birthday to u.. Hope u do enjoy your special day ~Ziling, 3rd, 00:36:32
Hapi birthdayô ~Brenda, 3rd, 00:10:46
yo.. happy birthday to ya.. ~Jasmine, 3rd, 00:03:28
Yo happy birthday in advance hor. ~Dewei, 2nd, 09:43:54
Those are e sms tt took me so long to decide whether to delete. Well, end up putting them here; an acknowledgement to those tt bother & remember for a guy lyk me. Really am touched by all, in additional to those above, really appreciate for those in office tt bought me cake n present, makes me felt lyk a doted kid again but i guess when one is low, he's low... many things r better left unsaid, bdae is jus another yesterday....
Posted at 12:39 am by Farrker
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Monday, August 08, 2005
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Many times in a relationship, quarrel happens. Many hate them but i guess it's jus unavoidable for a relationship to last. Some tries to avoid quarrel by creating lies or hiding things up, i believe tt's not the right way nor the healthy way... Quarrel is jus a form of communication between two parties in hope for a resolution to living a better life, which means it's healthy to have it. It should be faced with truthfulness; all thoughts from both parties should be poured out to be puzzled into one big picture. It's jus a way of working things out. |
No two different people can share the same thoughts but through speaking up how one feels over a matter helps to make the other party aware that there's the existance of looking at a matter in another way. With some effort of giving in and remembering how the other party may react in similar scenario can reduce the chances of quarelling or at least reduce the intensity of a quarrel in the future. So learn to understand it's for good, don't fear from doing it but learn from it. Perhaps a big hug and some kisses will do the trick of simmering down from a quarrel...
Posted at 12:22 am by Farrker
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